


The Trouble With Mad Scientists

by Carmarthen



Series: Every Fandom is Better With Dinosaurs [2]
Category: James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Dinosaurs, Gen, Humor, Mad Scientists, Needs More Dinosaurs!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-03
Updated: 2010-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmarthen/pseuds/Carmarthen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bond hated billionaire mad scientists. They always went overboard. Your usual snakepit or shark pool just wasn't good enough for them, oh no..." James Bond versus Velociraptor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble With Mad Scientists

**Author's Note:**

> Someday, I will put dinosaurs in every fandom I've ever written. Some are easier than others. FWIW, I was envisioning Pierce Brosnan's Bond.

The velociraptor was about the size of a large turkey. Bond knew it was a female because Reed, the paleobiologist MI-6 had sent with him, had informed him that the females had dull coloration. Dull coloration or not, she did have a lot of sharp teeth, and she looked hungry.

"Aren't you a pretty girl," Bond said, inching around the perimeter of the cell to examine the door. "Nice velociraptor."

Reed said _Velociraptor_ hunted in packs. Bond supposed this was a way of softening him up; _then_ he'd get tossed to the pack. He hated billionaire mad scientists. They always went overboard. Your usual snakepit or shark pool just wasn't good enough for them, oh no, they had to re-engineer nasty creatures best left extinct. When he got back to MI-6 he was going to _kill_ M for not warning him about the velociraptors.

The lock on the door was very good, to Bond's dismay. The velociraptor eyed him with interest from the other side of the cell, making a soft clucking noise as her throat sacs vibrated. It should have been ridiculous, but it wasn't, not with those predatory yellow eyes and those _teeth_.

Bond shuddered. Torn into shreds by an oversized carnivorous turkey was not exactly how he'd planned to go.

"You have very attractive plumage," he offered, hoping his voice was soothing. "Quite shiny. And what interesting mottled patterns. I suppose they're for camouflage?"

The velociraptor hissed and took a step towards him.

"Sorry, sorry! I shall refrain from further comments on your appearance. No offense intended."

"Mr. Bond!" someone hissed.

Bond glanced out the door, trying to keep an eye on the velociraptor at the same time. "Reed! Can you let me out of here?"

Reed held up a live chicken and grinned. "Of course."

"A chicken. You're breaking me out with a chicken."

The chicken flailed, and Bond noted to his relief that the velociraptor's attention had shifted away from him.

"The chicken is for distracting your therapodian friend," Reed said loftily. "The _keys_ are for releasing you."

Reed quickly opened the door and threw the chicken inside as Bond ducked out. The velociraptor dove for the chicken, sending feathers and bloody hunks of meat flying.

"You took your sweet time," Bond grumbled as Reed locked the door again, velociraptor safely inside and gorging herself.

"I'm afraid I ran into some trouble with a roaming _Deinonychus_. Happily, he was separated from his pack. You're fortunate she was the only velociraptor in there with you."

"A relief," Bond said, as dryly as he could manage.

"Come now, Mr. Bond! She didn't even nibble on you. Goodness, what an exciting scientific opportunity, to observe her coloration and mannerisms up close!"

A bloody scrap of meat landed on Bond's jacket, followed by another to his white shirtfront.

"I prefer not to observe her table mannerisms. They leave a little to be desired," Bond said, grimacing and flicking the gobs of meat off his clothing. "I _liked_ that suit."


End file.
